


The Holistics

by gaypunkspaceunicorn



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Gen, M/M, They're in a punk girl band, multi-chaptered, pretty gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-11 07:29:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13519416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypunkspaceunicorn/pseuds/gaypunkspaceunicorn
Summary: Todd is woken up by a punk band in his basement.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I know Todd is like ten years older than Amanda, but since this is a high school AU, I made everyone basically the same age so people can date and it won't be weird.
> 
> Also: thank you to @ariya-167 for proofreading!

Todd was woken up abruptly around noon by the sounds of loud drums, insane guitar feedback and screaming. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and walked downstairs. His parents were nowhere to be seen, which made sense with the entire house practically rattling from the noise. 

In the basement, Amanda and her friends Farah Black, Tina Tevetino, and Bart Curlish were screaming their way through a punk song with no discernible melody. Amanda was playing her drum kit, a third grade present she still loved. Tina had a bass, with two strings hanging off of it, but was mostly grinning at Farah and her beat up stratocaster, than playing. Right in the middle of them was Bart, who was ‘singing’ - aka screaming-, without a microphone.

About two feet away from them was the self-described ‘Rowdy 3’. In reality, the Rowdy 3 was five (six including Amanda) scruffy teenagers who all looked like vampires, named Martin, Cross, Gripps, Vogel and Beast. They were all loudly cheering for the band.

Just as Todd was about to say something, the band finished the song with a loud drum solo and a lot of cheering from the Rowdy 3. 

“Thank you!” Tina yelled. “That song is called Girl Power (this is not Miami), and we are the Holistics!”

“Hi, Todd!” Amanda exclaimed.  
“You woke me up.” He said, frowning. “I have a math test tomorrow.”  
“Todd, it’s noon.” Farah started. “Where you just going to sleep the rest of the day? If you have a math test, you should be studying.”

“You tell him, babe!” Tina laughed. “Sorry, Todd, but she has a point.”  
“I don’t know.” Bart added. “He can study later.”

Todd sighed.  
“It doesn’t matter, okay? You’re just being really loud.” this should be moved up one line but it won’t do it

“Drummer has a show tomorrow! They need to practice!” Vogel yelled out, to shouts of support from the rest of the Rowdy 3.  
“Where?” Todd asked, incredulously. He couldn’t think of a single place that would let four sixteen year olds to play terrible scream music.  
“The vault.” Farah said, hands on her hips. “My brother knows the owner.” 

“It’s gonna be off the fucking chain!” Cross yelled. Everybody started yelling in agreement.

Todd threw up his hands. He could never successfully argue with these people.  
“Fine! Do whatever you want.” He was about to leave, but turned back. “Also, Dirk’s coming over in a couple of hours.”

“Bibbit!” Beast exclaimed happily.

“Oooooooh!” Tina yelled. Everybody thought he had a crush on Dirk, but they would never guess that he and Dirk had been dating for a year. It’s not like they would ever know anyways. Dirk didn’t want to tell anybody.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk comes over.

At two o’clock, after Todd had made lunch, showered, and dressed, the doorbell rang. The second it did, the music stopped. He swung open the door to see Dirk, in a bright pink leather jacket.

“Hi!” Dirk exclaimed, stepping inside and hugging Todd. After a moment, Todd pulled away. Despite being totally and fully in love, he was still worried about anyone finding out.

“Let’s just go upstairs, okay?” Dirk nodded, and they started walking in step up the stairs. Once they were inside his room, Todd grabbed Dirk’s hand.

“I love you.” He said.  
“I love you too, Todd.” Dirk answered. 

Dirk immediately laid down on Todd’s bed, and Todd laid down next to him.  
“So, my sister and all her friends started a terrible punk band.” He said. “And they’re playing a show tomorrow.”  
“We should go! Show our support!” Dirk exclaimed, grinning.

“You’re so cute.” Todd kissed Dirk on the cheek, and he could feel Dirk smiling even more. 

Dirk grabbed Todd’s hand and turned to face him, gradually getting closer. Todd could feel Dirk’s heartbeat, gradually getting quicker. They gently kissed, so delicately Todd could barely feel his lips. 

“I love being with you.” Todd murmured into Dirk’s mouth.   
“I’m sorry we can’t be public.” Dirk responded, pulling back. Todd felt his heart ache.  
“No, don’t apologize.” He said, running his hands through Dirk’s hair. “You’re not ready. It’s cool.” 

Dirk flopped onto his back, still holding Todd’s hand.   
“I just don’t know!”   
“Uh, we could tell a couple people, see how it goes?” Todd suggested. 

Dirk immediately sat up, with fire in his eyes.

“That is a great plan, Todd!” He said, smiling. “Low commitment, see how everyone takes it, very smart!” He bent down and kissed Todd, lightly at first, but then with more intensity. Todd loved kissing Dirk. He had wanted to kiss Dirk since the day they met, aged 14, and the day they finally did, on Todd’s fifteenth birthday, was one of the best days of his life.

“So, who should we tell?” Dirk asked after a few minutes, practically hopping with excitement.   
“Maybe Amanda?” Todd offered. “Or her friends Farah and Tina, they’re dating.” Dirk nodded, thinking about it.   
“Later.” Dirk added, kissing Todd’s hand.  
“Obviously.” Todd said.

As they kissed, Todd thought about Dirk. He couldn’t believe he was with a boy so wonderful, so magical. He had closed his eyes at some point, but opened them again to see Dirk’s eyes, his bright blue eyes. And just as they were staring at each other, a feral scream followed by shrieking guitar and drums exploded from downstairs.

Dirk yelped, and broke away from Todd, practically flinging himself off the bed. They stared at each other in silence for a second, the loud music rattling the house, and then they started laughing.

“How high can their amps possibly go?” Todd wondered, listening to the cacophony of noise.   
“It actually sounds pretty good!” Dirk exclaimed. Todd laughed.  
“Okay.” He said. “But remember, we’re hearing this two floors up.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd and Dirk tell everyone about their relationship.

Back in the basement, the Holistics were listening to a recording of their music while eating copious amounts of candy the Rowdy 3 had gotten from somewhere. They had formed the band approximately one week earlier, but had already written three songs, Girl Power (This Is Not Miami), Trouble Is Bad and Two Broken Fingers. 

“This sounds really good!” Bart said, her mouth full of candy.   
Amanda, Farah, and Tina hadn’t really known Bart before the Holistics started, but they needed a singer and the Rowdy 3 knew her. It was a good decision, really, Bart was so sweet and nice, but she was a great singer.

“I think we need to talk about the logistics of the show tomorrow. What if someone’s parents say no? How are we getting our equipment there? Does anyone know anything about sound? Do we even have a setlist?” Farah worried.

“It’s gonna be fine, Farah.” Tina said. “We’re just doing our three songs, and then some covers, right?”   
“Yeah, it’s Bad Reputation, right?” Bart said. 

Amanda opened her mouth to say something, but suddenly Dirk burst into the room, with Todd close behind.  
“Hi!” Dirk exclaimed, full of energy.   
“Hi, Dirk.” Farah replied, followed by yelling from the Rowdy 3, which wasn’t unusual, as the Rowdy 3 were always hyped about everything.  
“Finished studying for that math test?” Amanda asked Todd, who was trying to hide behind the door.

“Uh, yeah.” He stammered. “No, uh, maybe, uh, kinda.” Amanda raised her eyebrows, and turned back to everyone. Dirk had somehow grabbed Farah’s guitar, and was trying, but failing, to play it. They were both nervous.

“So, why’d you come down here? I thought you hated our music.” Tina asked, laughing. 

“Todd and I wanted to tell everyone that we’re dating!” Dirk shouted.   
“Didn’t you guys already tell people that?” Bart asked, puzzled. Todd started blushing, but luckily, Dirk kept talking so he didn’t have to.  
“No, but we’ve been dating for about a year!”   
“That’s really great, Dirk. I always thought you would make a good couple.” Amanda replied.  
“Thank you, Amanda!” As he said that, he swung around and almost knocked everyone over with Farah’s guitar, which she promptly took back.

“Uh, let’s go back upstairs, Dirk.” Todd suggested, to plenty of oohs from everyone. Glaring, Todd left the room, Dirk shortly behind.   
“I think that went well!” Dirk said as they walked up the stairs.

“No, it didn’t, Dirk!” Todd whisper-shouted. “No, I’m sorry. It went well, but it was pretty awkward.” 

Dirk flopped onto Todd’s bed once again.   
“Well, what’s the problem with awkward?” He asked. “They were all totally cool!”   
“Yeah, it was fine, I just, uh, I don’t know.” Todd said, lying down next to Dirk.   
“There’s nothing wrong with not knowing something! In fact, I spend most of my life not knowing anything!” Dirk said, grinning at Todd. He loved to see Dirk smile so much.

“You’re a ray of sunshine.” Todd said, leaning in for a kiss.   
“And you taste like sunshine too.”Todd murmured, and he could feel Dirk smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan is formulated.

Later that night, around ten pm, Farah got a text from Amanda. She didn’t notice it at first, as she was walking around with Tina, but then they went back to Tina’s house, and she realized she had five text messages from Amanda. 

there’s an emergency!  
text me back!  
the show is in jeopardy!  
where are you guys?  
text me!

“I need to call Amanda.” Farah said, looking at her phone.   
“Is everything okay, babe?” Tina asked, putting her arm around Farah.   
“I don’t know, uh, Amanda texted me about something about the show being jeopardy?”   
“Fuck!” Tina exclaimed, as Farah dialed Amanda’s number.

When Amanda’s phone rang, she was sitting on the roof of her house, smoking a cigarette, and staring into the dark sky.   
“Yeah?” She said.  
“It’s Farah, what’s going on?” Tina grabbed the phone and put it on speakerphone.  
“Tina’s here too!” She shouted. “So, what’s up?”

“I told my parents about the show, and they weren’t happy. Apparently, I’m too young to be playing in a bar.” Amanda sighed into the phone“And, to stop me from sneaking out, which to be honest, I was totally going to do, we’re going to my aunt’s house tomorrow.” 

“Fuck!” Tina said again. “What’re you gonna do?” She asked.   
“Bart said she would kill them.” Amanda said.

“That is an- that is not an option.” Tina had started to say something in support, but saw Farah shaking her head.   
“I don’t think my brother would let us reschedule, seeing as he’s a dick.” Farah said, to serious nodding from Tina. 

“Is Todd coming with you?” Tina asked. She could tell Farah was starting to put a plan together.  
“No! It’s totally stupid.” Amanda said. “He gets to stay at home, make out with Dirk, and I have to spend the day with my parents, not playing with you guys.” 

“Ugh! I’ll bring you some weed gummies.” Tina promised.   
“Totally!” Amanda said, taking a puff of her cigarette. “Honestly, I should just move out. I’m sixteen, it’s perfectly legal.” 

Amanda and Tina kept talking and complaining, about their parents, new music, and how cute Farah was.   
“Guys, uh, I think I have an idea.” Farah said, but Amanda and Tina kept talking.   
“And honestly, I never thought we would end up together.” Tina said. “I love her so much.”

“Guys!” Farah yelled, and they both fell silent. “I’m sorry. I love you too, Tina, but I have a plan!” Tina turned to Farah, grinning. All of her plans had been awesome before.

“So, Amanda, you’ll have to make sure your family stays at your aunt’s house, no going out for dinner or anything.” Farah started.  
“I can do that.”  
“Okay, great. So, around seven o’clock, the Rowdy 3 shows up. We don’t want them smashing anything, they’ll just distract your family. Then, Todd shows up in his car, takes Amanda to Tina’s house, where we’re all waiting, and then we go play.” Farah explained, to grins from Tina and Amanda. Everything would actually work out.

“Okay, that sounds really good! I’ll call Bart, Todd, and the Rowdys, get everything organized.” Amanda said, then hung up the phone. 

“That was awesome, babe!” Tina gushed. “You saved the day!”   
“No, it wasn’t that hard, just needed to utilize our resources, think logically, -” Farah was going to keep talking, but Tina leaned in and kissed her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda goes to her aunt's house.

The next day, Amanda’s parents forced her into the car around one, while Todd slept soundly like the asshole he was. At least she could sit in the backseat with her music turned up while her parents tried to engage her in conversation.

Just seven hours. Just seven hours. She repeated that mantra in her head. Just seven hours of sitting on a lumpy couch listening to boring adults talk about boring adult shit, then she would be free. 

She could hear her parents talking about the weather, bopping along to some easy-listening crap, so she turned her music up higher.   
“Honey?” Amanda heard her dad say. “We can hear your music. Turn it down.” Grumbling, she complied. It was pretty loud anyways. 

After a terrible half hour car ride, they pulled up to aunt Esther’s house, a small bungalow on a street full of small bungalows. Her parents were immediately out of the car, but Amanda waited a few final seconds to take a deep breath and prepare herself. 

As they were waiting outside, Amanda’s mom took a disparaging look at her, which was understandable. She was wearing ripped black skinny jeans, a striped crop top, and her prized leather jacket, with makeup to rival Siouxsie Sioux. 

“You couldn’t have dressed a little more presentable?” She sighed. Amanda mumbled something rude in response, and they walked inside

Once the family was settled in the living room, Amanda disappeared into the bathroom to call everyone.  
“How’s it going?” She whispered into the phone.   
“Good!” Tina answered. “Let me just turn on speakerphone. Farah and Bart are here too.” 

“Hi!” Bart said. “Why are you whispering?”  
“Cause I’m hiding in my aunt’s bathroom.”  
“Well, our plan is coming together well. “Farah said. “We’re at your house right now, Todd let us in, Dirk’s here too, along with the Rowdy 3.”  
“That’s great!” Amanda said, smiling. She could hardly wait until seven.  
“Amanda!” Her mom called. “Stop hiding in the bathroom!”   
“Shit.” Amanda whispered into the phone. “Got to go. Talk soon!” Then she hung up the phone, stuck it in her pocket and walked back out into the living room.

Back in the living room, the Brotzmans were watching some sort of talk show. Amanda plopped down on the floor in front of everyone.   
“So, where’s Todd?” Aunt Esther asked. Before Amanda could say anything snarky, rude or remotely ‘unladylike’, her mom started talking.  
“Oh, he couldn’t make it today, he had plans with friends.”   
“That’s too bad!” Aunt Esther replied. “But how about you, Amanda? Got a boyfriend?” 

“No boyfriend, don’t have a girlfriend either.” She answered. Everyone looked surprised.  
“Oh! Well, just focusing on your studies, I presume?” Amanda shook her head. 

The rest of the day was spent similarly, with Amanda checking her phone for any updates, and dodging all personal questions. After what seemed like forever, it was finally seven o’clock. 

Right as the clocks changed from 6:59 to 7:00, Amanda heard the rumble of the Rowdy 3’s van outside, and then, screaming. Her family all got up and started looking out the window, and having a confused, panicked discussion.

Honestly, they were fine. The Rowdys had been explicitly told to not cause even five cents of damage. As everyone started running outside to find out what was going on, Amanda grabbed her jacket and followed suit.

“Hey, drummer!” Vogel yelled, once she got outside.  
“You know these...these thugs?” Her dad almost screamed.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Amanda said, while waving to the Rowdy 3. She walked down the end of the driveway, where Todd was pulling up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter

Once they arrived at Tina’s house, they all started getting dressed up. Bart went with a dirty blue jumpsuit, and heavy boots covered in metal shards. Tina and Farah were matching in leather pants and fishnet shirts. Amanda borrowed clothes from the Rowdy 3, ending up with an oversize mixmatch of black. 

“Ahhhh!” Vogel screamed. “Yeahhhh!”

Once Amanda had done everyone’s makeup, they all piled into the Rowdy 3 van and drove to the bar. They were all yelling and laughing, with the radio turned up all the way.   
Amanda couldn’t believe the day she had, from escaping from her aunt’s house, to driving to her first show. Farah couldn’t believe she actually had friends, and a girlfriend, after years alone. Bart couldn’t believe people were actually talking to her. Tina couldn’t believe she finally had friends and something to do, instead of just aimlessly drifting through her life.

At the bar, Farah’s brother Eddie was waiting outside, scowling and drinking a beer.   
“Finally.” He said. “All y’all need to draw Xs on your hands.” 

Everybody filed out of the van, and Beast drew colourful Xs on everyone’s hands, using sharpies she seemingly pulled out of nowhere. Once everybody had gotten into the bar, still as loud as before, Eddie started yelling.

“Be quiet! Or I’ll have to kick you out!” Suddenly, the Rowdy 3 were still boisterous, but with less volume.  
“Farah, and your friends, get on stage. Check the sound, whatever. Your set starts at 8:30.” He said.

They all climbed on stage, and got out their instruments. It sounded like shit, but they didn’t care. At 8:30 exactly, Amanda picked up her drumsticks.

“We’re The Holistics and we’re here to rock you!!” She screamed, and they launched into Bad Reputation by Joan Jett. The few other people there seemed mildly interested, but it was mostly just the Rowdy 3, and Todd and Dirk screaming along.

“I don’t give a damn bout my bad reputation!” Bart screamed. 

From there, they did Girl Power (this is not Miami), which was just so fun to play. Well, almost as fun as their cover of Fuck Twin Peaks by Bikini Kill. While they were playing, Amanda could see Dirk laughing hysterically, and Todd kissing his cheek. 

They were all so happy, as they played two more of their songs, and We Will Rock You by Queen to finish. Bart didn’t know all the words, so she just screamed random gibberish.

“Baby you’re bi, making big noise, singing in the street, gonna be a big blah blah blah. You got blood on your hey, you big big face, clicking can la la la la lace.” She screamed, alternating between real words and gibberish. 

When they finished, they all grabbed their instruments and walked right off the stage into the throngs of people. The Rowdy 3 were ecstatic, lifting everyone into the air and cheering.

After about ten minutes of milling, they all found themselves at the local waffle house. Farah bought everyone waffles.

“That was so good!” Dirk exclaimed, to whoops from the Rowdy 3.  
“ Your covers were pretty good.” Todd said, begrudgingly. 

“I feel so great! Like even greater than when I’m high.” Tina said, laughing. Farah shook her head in response, putting her arm around Tina’ shoulder.  
“I think it was a great debut.” Amanda decided, to nods from everyone else. “And we’re only going to get bigger.”   
“I just feel so calm, like I’m connected with the whole world.” Bart said, and everybody solemnly nodded.   
“A leaf on the stream of creation!” Dirk exclaimed. Todd looked at him, beaming.

On the drive home from the Waffle House, they were more subdued, staring out the window. It was pitch black, and Amanda could see stars.


End file.
